Shedding for the Wedding

I've always struggled with my weight. From the time I was in 4th grade, I've been horribly aware of how much I weigh. It's awful to be ten years old and feel gross and ugly because of what you weigh. I wasn't even overweight, but I heard my doctor tell my mom that I was getting heavy and, in that moment, my life changed. When I tried cheerleading in junior high, my coach told me I was the third smallest girl on the squad, but there were only 2 flyer positions, so I was out of luck. I'm not sure why I wanted to be a flyer so badly, considering I'm scared of heights, but for some reason, this devastated me. I started skipping breakfast, throwing out my lunches and only picking at my dinner. It got to the point that my dad had to bribe me with new clothes to get me to eat again.

In high school, I always felt fat and awkward. Looking back, I realize I was actually pretty skinny for the first few years. Senior year was a year that was unfortunately filled with drama and unnecessary stress, which lead me to eat, eat, eat. By the end of my senior year, I had gained nearly 10 pounds. It only got worse in college. For my first semester I didn't have many friends and I felt lonely and depressed. My idea of a good Friday night was sitting alone in my room with pizza and breadsticks. Even when I eventually made friends, the bad habits remained. Halfway through my sophomore year, I calculated my BMI and it told me I was borderline obese.

OBESE?!?! How could I be obese? Obese people are huge, I was still tiny, right? Wrong. I took a good hard look at myself and I didn't like what I saw. Over Christmas break in 2008, I came across a box of old pictures from high school. You know, when I thought I was really fat? I wasn't! I was skinny! I had a body that I would kill for at that time. I hated myself for hating myself when I was younger. And I knew I HAD to make a change. I started a diet four days before Christmas. I was determined.

I started reading articles about weight loss and healthy foods and realized how little I knew about eating well. I remember once telling my mom about how I should be losing weight because I eat ramen noodles all the time! I was so dumb in denial. I began incorporating more fruits and veggies in my diet and eating lean protein and whole grains. I started to see pounds drop off the scale and it was so incredibly motivating. I started going to the gym 4-5 times a week and it wasn't long before I could run an entire mile without stopping, which I probably hadn't ever been able to do before in my life. By the time the school year ended, I had dropped 30 pounds! By the end of the summer, I dropped another 10, making my total weight loss 40 pounds and putting me at a healthy weight.

I'll admit that I've slipped up from time to time. After I turned 21, I saw the scale rise by a few pounds and it's pretty much stayed there ever since. All in all, I'm still proud of myself. Making a change like that took a lot of dedication and determination and it wasn't always easy. I remember crying on my birthday because I couldn't think of anywhere I could go out to eat and celebrate. My friends would go to Denny's and eat cheesy fries and giant burgers, and I'd order a side salad with honey mustard and then felt guilty about eating honey mustard. In the end, it was worth it. I'm still not overly happy with the way I look, but I feel much better about myself than I used to!

Now my wedding is less than 6 months away. I have a dress that I love that was designed for someone skinnier than me and I plan on looking amazing in it. I let myself gain some weight and get out of shape the past few months, but all that is about to change. Healthy Melissa has returned and she's back with a vengeance. The goal is to lose 15 pounds over the next few months, putting me at my lowest weight since 2005. I'm going to work hard, make adjustments to my life, and stick with it. Please encourage me as much as you can. I know it won't be easy, but I also know that I can and I WILL do it. Check back soon for details on my weight loss plan, yummy (healthy) recipes and more!