Men plan, God laughs.

Over two months ago, I quit my job. And I've never been happier. Let me back up...

In college, I majored in Public Relations and I LOVED it. I was excited to go to my classes, excited for my internship, even excited to write papers. I was ready to graduate, get accepted into a grad program,  work as a TA while getting another internship, work a few years in the PR field, then when I started having kids, I would quit and begin my own PR firm where I'd work from home. It was a fool-proof plan, right?! Well, I got accepted into the grad program I wanted. Unfortunately, state funding cut the amount of TA positions available and I just barely made the cut. There was no way I could take out more student loans to pay for additional education. So I threw my dreams of grad school out the window and started looking for jobs. Easy, right?

Turns out, jobs aren't that easy to come by. After graduating and being jobless for a few weeks, the unemployment started driving me crazy. I had to do SOMETHING. ANYTHING. So I accepted a job at a day care center in town. It would only be temporary while I searched for a PR job. I'd be there two months, TOPS. Right?

Wrong again, as always. After a while, I gave up on the job search. I wasn't necessarily happy with my current job, but I was making a little money and the kids were (usually) kinda cute. Fast forward a year and I started looking for jobs again. I finally got an interview at a huge corporate company, and they offered me a job! Again, it wasn't the most ideal job, but it paid more! I accepted and I was so excited to start. Life was going to be sooooo much better. Right?

Seriously. I need to learn that I'm almost always wrong when it comes to these things! I was MISERABLE. And I'm not talking the usual, "I don't like my job". I'm talking, tears flowing, feel-like-I'm-going-to-vomit, MISERABLE. Poor Mark. He listened patiently to my tears everyday before I went in to work. He encouraged me and was so supportive and I'm so grateful for him. When I started thinking more about it, I realized I missed the day care. WHAT?!? I missed it? Yes. I missed the kids running to me and hugging me in the morning. I missed them waving goodbye when they left at night. I missed the slobbery kisses, the giant smiles, and the adorable giggles. I missed be able to talk to my coworkers and feeling like they actually cared about my life. I missed normal hours, weekends, and the ability to breathe during my work day. 

And so I quit.

And I'm back at the day care. Yes, sometimes the kids drive me crazy. Sometimes, when they have snot running past their chins, I cringe. But then I think about how unhappy I was before and how happy I am now. Sure, I'm not making as much money as I was, but I'm going to be ok. I'll be here for 5 more months and then I'll move away and start a new search for a job. I'm not sure what I'll find, but I think I've learned to let go and let things happen that are meant to happen. And I think that will make me happy. 

Shedding for the Wedding

I've always struggled with my weight. From the time I was in 4th grade, I've been horribly aware of how much I weigh. It's awful to be ten years old and feel gross and ugly because of what you weigh. I wasn't even overweight, but I heard my doctor tell my mom that I was getting heavy and, in that moment, my life changed. When I tried cheerleading in junior high, my coach told me I was the third smallest girl on the squad, but there were only 2 flyer positions, so I was out of luck. I'm not sure why I wanted to be a flyer so badly, considering I'm scared of heights, but for some reason, this devastated me. I started skipping breakfast, throwing out my lunches and only picking at my dinner. It got to the point that my dad had to bribe me with new clothes to get me to eat again.

In high school, I always felt fat and awkward. Looking back, I realize I was actually pretty skinny for the first few years. Senior year was a year that was unfortunately filled with drama and unnecessary stress, which lead me to eat, eat, eat. By the end of my senior year, I had gained nearly 10 pounds. It only got worse in college. For my first semester I didn't have many friends and I felt lonely and depressed. My idea of a good Friday night was sitting alone in my room with pizza and breadsticks. Even when I eventually made friends, the bad habits remained. Halfway through my sophomore year, I calculated my BMI and it told me I was borderline obese.

OBESE?!?! How could I be obese? Obese people are huge, I was still tiny, right? Wrong. I took a good hard look at myself and I didn't like what I saw. Over Christmas break in 2008, I came across a box of old pictures from high school. You know, when I thought I was really fat? I wasn't! I was skinny! I had a body that I would kill for at that time. I hated myself for hating myself when I was younger. And I knew I HAD to make a change. I started a diet four days before Christmas. I was determined.

I started reading articles about weight loss and healthy foods and realized how little I knew about eating well. I remember once telling my mom about how I should be losing weight because I eat ramen noodles all the time! I was so dumb in denial. I began incorporating more fruits and veggies in my diet and eating lean protein and whole grains. I started to see pounds drop off the scale and it was so incredibly motivating. I started going to the gym 4-5 times a week and it wasn't long before I could run an entire mile without stopping, which I probably hadn't ever been able to do before in my life. By the time the school year ended, I had dropped 30 pounds! By the end of the summer, I dropped another 10, making my total weight loss 40 pounds and putting me at a healthy weight.

I'll admit that I've slipped up from time to time. After I turned 21, I saw the scale rise by a few pounds and it's pretty much stayed there ever since. All in all, I'm still proud of myself. Making a change like that took a lot of dedication and determination and it wasn't always easy. I remember crying on my birthday because I couldn't think of anywhere I could go out to eat and celebrate. My friends would go to Denny's and eat cheesy fries and giant burgers, and I'd order a side salad with honey mustard and then felt guilty about eating honey mustard. In the end, it was worth it. I'm still not overly happy with the way I look, but I feel much better about myself than I used to!

Now my wedding is less than 6 months away. I have a dress that I love that was designed for someone skinnier than me and I plan on looking amazing in it. I let myself gain some weight and get out of shape the past few months, but all that is about to change. Healthy Melissa has returned and she's back with a vengeance. The goal is to lose 15 pounds over the next few months, putting me at my lowest weight since 2005. I'm going to work hard, make adjustments to my life, and stick with it. Please encourage me as much as you can. I know it won't be easy, but I also know that I can and I WILL do it. Check back soon for details on my weight loss plan, yummy (healthy) recipes and more!

With this ring...

This weekend I was struck with some rare wedding motivation. I say rare, because usually when I start thinking of the wedding plans, I tend to panic and strive to think of anything but the wedding. I decided to take advantage of this motivation and get things done. The end result is that I was able to cross one thing off my list. It's not much, but it's better than nothing!

A few weeks ago, I was thinking about what Will, my nephew and ring bearer, should use as his ring-bearing "pillow". For some reason, I think it's weird to see a boy carrying a fluffy pillow covered in lace and ribbons, so I looked for something else. After a google image search, I managed to find a great DIY tutorial for an amazing box to hold the rings. Thanks to the girls at The Knotty Bride for this one! Here's the link to the post: http://theknottybride.com/32740

First, I purchased a wooden box from Hobby Lobby. This awesome box was only $2.99! Next I went to Home Depot and bought wood stain (I used Minwax Wood Finish English Chestnut). Once the box was stained, it looked awesome! I was so excited.

After I stained the box, I propped it open and let it dry overnight. The next day, I prepared to write on the box. I was a little scared of just going for it with the paint pen. The blog recommended using a pencil first and then going over it with the pen, but the pencil barely showed up when I tried, so I got the brilliant idea to use chalk! It wiped right off and I was able to try different options before settling on Mr. and Mrs. (I tried 'His' and 'Hers', but for some reason I could not make 'Hers' fit!)

Unfortunately, my paint pen ran out before I was able to write anything on the top of the box and I'm having a hard time deciding what I want it to say! I've posted 3 options below, so let me know what you think!

The First Step

Whenever I start to write the first post of a blog, I feel a massive wall go up in my brain and suddenly I have the writing skills of a first grader. I'm starting to think that if I can just write a first post (regardless of how awful it is), the following posts will be easier. So here goes. Please bear with me.

Mark and I are getting married in less than six months, which is starting to blow my mind. I cannot wait to begin my life with this man. I've been so blessed to find someone who loves me unconditionally, puts up with all my crazy ideas and quirks, and never seems to run out of patience with me. He's funny, he's a hard worker, and (many many years in the future) he's going to be an amazing dad. An amazing dad who tells ridiculously corny jokes, which (let's face it) is probably in every dad's job description.

While I'm ecstatic to marry Mark and begin our life together, it also means a huge move for me. A fourteen hour drive from everything I know and love. It's scary and exciting all at the same time. I know Mark will be a great support system for me as I adjust, but I'm moving to a place with no family, no friends and no Meijer.  (Seriously, how can I survive without Meijer?!?!) Ok, mainly I'm just concerned about the whole no family/friends thing. I've heard military wives can get kinda catty and that concerns me. I'm sure I'm bound to make friends eventually, but then knowing my luck, we'll move to another base and I'll have to start all over. Again. I guess that's something I'll have to just tackle when the time comes.

With the wedding only 168 days away, the plans are really starting to come together. I'm ready to work out the tiny details of our big day. I've decided that I love the small details. Big details tend to make me panic (caterer, DJ, flowers, etc.), but I can't wait to design our candy buffet and create chalkboard signs for each type of cupcake, and create our favor boxes. Those things excite me! But I don't want to touch table linens with a 50 foot pole. Can't someone else worry about that for me? I made a list last night of all the things I still need to take care of and it's slightly overwhelming. I can't wait for this wedding to get here so I don't have to worry about it anymore!

Another aspect of our upcoming wedding is my quest to lose some weight and get in shape. I'm really going to try this time! Four years ago I lost 40 pounds, so I know it's doable. I'll admit that at my current weight, I've gained 10 of those pounds back, but 5 of them are from my holiday splurging, so it should be fairly easy to lose...right? Here's hoping. I just don't want to look back at my wedding photos and feel regretful of the way I look. I have the power to look amazing on my wedding day and I'm determined to make that happen. Please stick with me and encourage me on my journey!

Ok, first post: done. Hopefully it wasn't the worst thing ever written. I at least used mostly correct spelling and grammar, so that's a plus. Let's see if I can stick with it!